There was a cold unpleasant breeze tingling through my spine, as I trudge through the misty air of the lagoon. I determined it may be around five o clock in the morning now, by judging the futile glimpses I had upon the sun. Surrounded by trees and fog I continue on my distant walk toward the school. Confused and disoriented by the mist I encounter many illusions, as my intellect creativity wonders to the front of my mind. Footsteps in the distance, a continuous agonizing splish splosh, splish splosh. My thoughts were confirmed, when occasional groans came from behind me and indeed I began sprinting away. My vision was blurring yet my aggressive and desperate state of mind kept me going. However the unfortunate event of a branch forced me tumbling into the ground. Now all I could do was anticipate, therefore I proceeded, gazing into the distance. There came a silhouette deviously approaching me. My adrenaline rushing, as the object came closer and closer words came from its mouth, “Argh reargh, grrrrr argh” as I faint into sheer darkness.
You changed tense a lot in the story. It made it kind of hard to follow.
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