My eyes gaze and ponder
And my mind drifts in wonder
She was meant for me
Will she agree with me
Amidst the hallways of my high school
I’m caught in a whirlpool
All my thoughts are shot down
My conclusion is profound
Soon I see her again, as my heart races I say
In such a valiant display
“Clara will you go out with me?”
“Nope sorry”
A deep despair unfolds upon me.
You should have Clara say "Nope, but I truly am sorry". It fits the flow and rhyme of the poem. Otherwise, it's really good.
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree. I didnt know you were so romantic ryan. haha but this is really good. Also i think you want a question mark at the end of the last line in the first stanza. Nice job ryan ha
ReplyDeleteYour lucky there is no one here named Clara. (next day, new kid named Clara walks in) But it is a nice poem.
ReplyDeleteRyan, that was a touching poem. I didn't know that you could write so good and romanticly. I really liked this! Keep up the fantabulous writing!
ReplyDelete... Is this written for anyone special... haha
I liked the romantisicm, but I think you just expnad a bit more, like add a stanza about building up the courage and then at the end maybe add something about how this cycle just repeats itself.
ReplyDelete