Hole and I

I was born in the grieving outskirts of Siberia. So lonely so cold. I have a permanent scar outstretched across my entire calf from my encounter with a Siberian Tiger. (Slit the back of my leg across a jagged rock after I saw a log in the distance shaped like a beast.) My father Sergey, (of Jewish religion) once known as Dr. S. Martell when he was a doctor for Soviet Russia near the end of World War I in 1918. My Mother Nataliya who  passed away from my younger sister's birth. She died before I was old enough to know her. After my father's death, Elena and I were sent to live in an orphanage in Vienna, Austria. At 17 I was privileged to study at St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland for one year. That was when World War II had erupted I returned to Austria only to find ashes where my sister's orphanage once was, this was the last I ever saw of Elena. My grieving confused me and made me entirely drop my Jewish Religion. From Europe to America I settled. From New York to Arizona. This is where I maintained my researches and received many acknowledgements. As I find myself near death, I humor myself; because this piece was supposed to be an autobiography of myself. It turned out to be a psychology for myself.

I find myself in a gloomy state of my life, for at the age of 78 I am still questioning my faith. To sidetrack and disorient this composer I have conducted various researches on governmental conspiracies. After attending the University of Phoenix I succeeded in a triple-major Bachelor's degree. These degrees were the studies of religion, evolution, and astrophysics. My fourth year thesis for evolution concerned many different conceptions towards the evolutionary theory of Jean Baptiste de Lamarck, from France. The astrophysics thesis was the many controversies cast upon the theory of extra terrestrial life. My religion thesis was involved with Isaac Luria's philosophies on the Universe itself. I didn't choose these three aspects for a light headed fool dependent on the well being of himself, but because these three ideologies; evolution, extra terrestrial life, and the Universe had something in common like a triangle. A triangle that wouldn't stop spinning.

A Gibbon, an Orangutan, a Chimpanzee, a Gorilla, and Man have the same skeletal structure. Built to protect its vitals, built to move, and built for life. They have all grown and adopted the traits of earth. What separates man from these other four traits is faith. Is it because he was the first to take a flower and consider ripping it to pieces, or eat it? Truth, Faith, and What is Real; these three dignify man from anything else in the Universe. I despise the word "fact," because there is no such true statement as to fact. Fact itself is condemned to faith. My faith on these five species is God's philosophy, but life itself may not be imitated or manipulated ever. For how was God's life brought fourth. Life is not a fact, it is faith. God is not real he is the world's faith. Once again what separates man from all four is his faith.

In the end my studies of astrophysics has taken me absolutely nowhere in my faith. Did you know the "Pluto-bound New Horizons probe" used Jupiter's gravity to increase its speed? The concept of extra terrestrial life is purely childish in faith's hands. Life is an organism. Whatever that is? Is man himself a living creature? Or is a star a living creature. A star has no brain, no organisms, no fluids; but isn't it scary that any non man made object could suddenly turn on us and live, although it is already living? Isaac Luria has a faith and philosophy that describes every act of Evil tearing apart the fabrics of the universe, however he has another belief that every act of Love mends the fabrics of the Universe. No matter how far into the Universe man can see, or how much man can discover about the Universe; the deepest subjection of Universe is the faith of itself. Yet it is so much different from Life. What would Life be without death? Life would be nothing. If this is so, how is it the Universe can't die, yet it doesn’t scare us. It presents itself perfectly, but it has no balance. Is this why man considers the Universe unlimited? Infinity is not real, it is a paradox , so this is my triangle. Life (Evolution), Death (Astrophysics), and Universe (Religion).

Area 51 is real. It is located 83 miles north of Las Vegas, Nevada. It is a large complex located on the southern shore of Groom Lake. Area 51 is divided into four sectors; Air force training which contains 18 buildings (37 rooms total), Airspace Research/ Missile Development 23 buildings (23 rooms total), flight testing centers 1 flight strip, and a deep steel door one room total. I would be an instant felon to the United States government if I had spoke of any actual details within 25 feet of this door. I was invited to visit Area 51 due to my extreme researches and successes, although every single bit of my research depended behind that one door. It was almost as if they were teasing me by bringing me right before my life question and throwing me round like foolish monkeys. If at any one time had I suspected their requests to keep secret about this one sector incongruous, I would have been crucified for the depth of my teachings.

 It is fascinating, the urge man feels when he is not allowed something; whether it is to keep secret about the most simple things, or whether what one must wonder when he isn't allowed to look on the other side of a door. Yet it is instinct again. Just as if it was a flower torn to bits. Torn to bits just like the fabric of the Universe. I don't quite question what was behind that doorway as much as I did then, but that is only because of my faith. No matter how much I run from the chains of agnosticism, it follows me. I'm not running through the empty universal triangle to get away from something, but to find a hole. When I find this, which I am determined to, I will jump; I will jump without looking back!

Response to Life of Pi

The way Mr. Kumar avowedly presents himself and his faith to others is fascinating. His way of life and the way he sees it. Such a strong way to look at reality in your imagination. "If the watch doesn't work properly, it must be fixed here and now by us." (Mr. Satish Kumar) Atheism is faith just as much as any other faith. This quote exemplifies himself and the way the world is in his eyes, yet somehow it influences other faiths. For example the respect Pi has gathered for all atheists. As long as these drive us, as long is this is how we collect ourselves, as long as our leap of faith is by ourselves and no one else! The knowledge I gather from this book has influenced the entire way I look at the world itself. Yes it's normal to have that sense that you are the only real thing, and everything around you isn't. That's because we can't see the world through anyone else's faith, truth and what They believe in. This is what makes a human so sacred. "they go as far as their legs of reason will carry them - and then they leap." (Pi) Next time an adult asks you that repetitive, arrogant question, "If everybody jumped off a cliff, would you?" As if they're above you, as if they can just change the way you look at things with just eight pathetic words! If it was my faith, sure I would and so I present my look at reality ever so elegantly - "Yeah, but you go first." (Ryan Harris)

The Last Spartan

Like a child he reaches, but he cannot touch. Like a child he crawls, but he cannot move.  Like a child he watches, but cannot see. The despair flowing through his mind, like a leaf in the wind. The unexplainable sense, the drop of death in his eyes. As the last drop of sweat plunges from his head. The last single unlawful creed that he must endure. Death without mercy, like a child in arms. The dark despair he feels when the dark silhouettes crescent the cliffs like wolves. The arrows stretch and the men with burning souls take a bow. "Is he ready to die like a gentleman?" Generals bloody and putrid sneak grins with the blazing glare in their eyes. A Spartan is a Spartan not Jonathon or James, for what would Spartans be with names? The oath he took to die a  nobleman, but it all comes to a sense; a sense unlike any other. The sense of the last Spartan. He crawls ever so painfully, as his swollen open cuts crease against the sharp jagged rocks. The Spartan reaches for his shield, defiant and determined not to look up. One last gasp, one last breath before a blanket of darkness; tens of thousands of arrows cast upon him inch to inch. The desolation, the fear, the myth he knows he will become.  The Spartan looks for a man to hold his hand. A man to give him one last step, one last breath of hope. Like a child he lay naked in the arms of God. His fortune leaps to an unbearable sense. Not fire, nor ice; but the abrupt lonesome feeling of death. Like a child he cries, but no one ever hears him. A child named Spartan and nothing else.

Send my Regards

The despair, the tragedy man faces when he sheds a tear. The sensible love he shares in his heart, like the way a dog gives itself to a passionate owner. Was it to hard to understand one man? Was it to hard for one man to try? Two men together like a dog and its owner. Dogs age and grow. It is the owners job to put that dog out of its misery. It is not a term, nor a law; but the sensible love two men share in their hearts. Send my regards to two men who's souls died one night. The night a tragedy came upon itself. Send my regards to Lennie and George, as two men with an unbreakable passion corrupt. What had Lennie done? So I say once again send my regards to his dream, to his ever so little; delightful dream. They had known one another since one. Since they themselves were puppies in a sense. Two puppies playing ever so handsomely in a patch of alfalfa.